Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
