I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
