i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
