Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there was a trapeze. enough said
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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