just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My liver is preforming stress tests.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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