I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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