So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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