every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
