I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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