I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
