We won't sleep together?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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