Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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