Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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