how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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