we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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