They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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