i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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