why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
