I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
