1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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