It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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