just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
