I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
