Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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