im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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