thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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