i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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