now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize