Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
