I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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