took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
