I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
