He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
