they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
