i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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