You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
