Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
