I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
