I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night