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• (772): View more from Florida

  Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  i think the cat found all the blow we lost...

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome

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• (415): View more from California

  Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?

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• (956): View more from Texas

  Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets

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