Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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  (212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl
  Replies (36) Good night (1990) Bad night (1036)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.

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  (801): I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials. http://tfl.nu/rax4
  Replies (19) Good night (3429) Bad night (713)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?

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  (517): My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school? http://tfl.nu/rw32
  Replies (62) Good night (951) Bad night (4264)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

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  (815): I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT. http://tfl.nu/gdsf
  Replies (6) Good night (5224) Bad night (1033)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!

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  (815): Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie! http://tfl.nu/p3px
  Replies (27) Good night (2028) Bad night (3947)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

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  (630): she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her http://tfl.nu/4r4o
  Replies (11) Good night (5772) Bad night (981)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"

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  (608): the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair" http://tfl.nu/0q2o
  Replies (13) Good night (1069) Bad night (4034)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box

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  (704): Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box http://tfl.nu/xete
  Replies (3) Good night (2396) Bad night (805)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.

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  (503): He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success. http://tfl.nu/fztg
  Replies (8) Good night (1132) Bad night (539)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.

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  (610): I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life. http://tfl.nu/8k8d
  Replies (7) Good night (819) Bad night (939)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.

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  (720): You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist. http://tfl.nu/dze0
  Replies (10) Good night (1737) Bad night (517)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.

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  (779): He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud. http://tfl.nu/emwq
  Replies (3) Good night (982) Bad night (324)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.

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  (404): Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat. http://tfl.nu/fqqq
  Replies (4) Good night (1661) Bad night (550)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.

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  (860): Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on. http://tfl.nu/xowf
  Replies (9) Good night (877) Bad night (309)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.

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  (503): Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now. http://tfl.nu/72i7
  Replies (0) Good night (306) Bad night (634)

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