You smell like stripper and shame
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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