Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
