Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
