I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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