I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize