We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
