Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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