Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize