he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
