she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
