My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize