I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I forgot wine drunk hurts
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
