i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
