hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
