Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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