Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize