a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Four minutes until I can fart!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
