A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
