I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
