Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you win again, gameday.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
