omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
