i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
