But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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