but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
